I was having dinner with one of my “extra” kids last week and we were talking about a mutual friend who keeps having the same personal dilemma occur in their lives. They don’t seem to be able to avoid it and they keep wondering why it happens to them again and again. My “extra” said – “This is just like what you always tell me – wherever I go, there I am.” He was right.
It really clicked with him many years ago when he was going through a very tough time and was seriously considering moving back home into his mother’s house. He was a young adult at the time, maybe early twenties, and had really struggled with just daily living and coping. He had friends here, a job and an apartment (beautiful furniture, etc.) but was so personally unhappy that he really wanted to just go back home and basically curl up and disappear. He wanted to go back to what he remembered as a simpler time for him when someone else, his mother, was making all the decisions.
He has always referred to me as his “second Mom” and fortunately has always been able to talk to me about anything that is going on in his life – good and bad, so he came to me with this. He was so unhappy he just wanted to run away. We’ve all been there.
What I shared with him, over several meals and very long talks, was that going home could be an option, but that whatever was plaguing him here would follow him wherever he went. I told him that when he looks in the mirror, no matter where he is, he would still see himself. I said wherever you go, there you are. If he truly wanted to get rid of what was burdening him he had to deal with it now. If, after working through the issue, he still wanted to go home then he should definitely go. Apparently he heard what I was telling him and to his credit dealt with what was troubling him. He decided to stay here, a much happier guy with one big weight he was no longer carrying around because he worked through the issue instead of running.
Remember, it will still be you staring back in the mirror-deal with the issue now. And where ever you go, there you STILL are.